How to Be a Writer - Part III (Self Care)

This is a very sensitive subject, and one that is very close to my heart. I talk about mental health and physical well-being all of the time, but I think there are aspects of being this weird "writer" creature that many people do not take into account. Someone has to talk about it, so it may as well be your old Uncle Scott.

First thing's first: This whole "writing" thing? It's hard. Really hard. There's no stability, no retirement plan (unless you make one), no healthcare (unless you buy it), and no steady paycheck. Sure, you're your own boss, you set your own hours, etc. But there's a downside to that: It's all on you. And that leads a great many of us creative-types (not just writers...) to have a particular mental outlook on the world. Yes, I'm talking about depression. Serious, severe depression. Studies have shown (links below) that writers and creative types (musicians, artists, comedians) are more prone to depression than the so-called "normal" folks, and while theories abound as to why, no one really has clue one about the solid concrete cause. Of course, I have my own theories. Shall I share them?

To my mind, part of what leads the humble writer to depression is that we are constantly bombarded with rejection. Literally, our worth in our chosen field is determined by a group of strangers who don't know us, the random masses who may or may not read our work, and even people that may or may not "get" what we were going for in a story. And those things are not objective at all. They're all determined by taste, upbringing, what they had for lunch today (you try being nice with heartburn...), or even how their day is going. So you, the writer, spend months writing what you think is the greatest story you've ever written, then you send it out to agents and editors, and the response you get is "no." Or worse, "meh." And suddenly, the invasive thought appear. "I suck." "I'll never be good at this." "Why do I bother?" "I should've been a veterinarian." We fall into a hole of self-doubt and beat ourselves up until one of two things happens: We either quit, or we get stubborn about it and keep moving on.

Another reason for this issue in our lives is that writing is largely a solitary endeavor. As social creatures, we crave human contact. Even if you say you hate people and want to live as a hermit, for the most part, there will come a point where, if you don't have human contact, it's unhealthy. So we want people in our lives, friends, spouses, significant others, but we want them to leave us the hell alone when we're working.

We impose deadlines on ourselves and feel guilty when we don't meet them. We set impossible expectations for our work and fall into despair when it comes up short. We all have dreams of being the next big thing, and those dreams are constantly being smacked with a hammer.

So what can we do? Give up? Nope. I'm stubborn. I've got some things that I do when I'm on a downward swing that may help you.

Give yourself permission to suck. Look, not every word you write is going to be gold. Every first draft sucks, and that's the truth. So when you read through something, try to see your intent when you wrote it as opposed to how many times you wrote "there" instead of "they're." If you find something that sucks, mark it, revisit it, and ponder on what you could do to make a stronger choice. But don't beat yourself up over little mistakes or first-draft fuckery. It's fine. Everyone does this, from King to someone you've never heard of. Every first draft sucks.

Give yourself permission to step away from the keyboard. You know what happens when you're at your keyboard and the words won't come, but you're still sitting there determined to force them to appear? Nothing. The words still won't come. And you begin to feel depression jumping on you because you're obviously not a real writer because you can't just summon the muse from the ether and  make her shit out a few dozen pages at will. It doesn't work like that. Never has, never will. Yes, set a daily word count goal, and hit that goal, but also recognize when you need to step away for a few minutes. Realize that, at some point, you're going to get blocked and you may need to take a lap to get that creative magic back in your fingers.

Take a walk. When I'm having difficulty, I like to do things that I don't have to particularly "think" about. Typically, that means taking a walk through the neighborhood. See, if I sit and watch a TV show, I get involved in the plot. Hell, I wind up binge-watching the whole thing, and that's just a giant time-suck. Same thing for movies, though I love watching movies in the theater. Instead, I go for a walk through my neighborhood. I don't have to think about where I'm going so long as I follow the sidewalk, and that gives my brain a chance to kickstart itself back into working.

Exercise. One of the other pitfalls of this lifestyle is that it requires large amounts of time with butt in chair, which isn't conducive to a healthy lifestyle. Realize that the amount of time we spend in the chair for each novel is directly proportional to what I like to call "ass-spread." At least, it's that way for me. When I graduated from high school, long before I realized I wanted to be a writer, I weighed 142 pounds soaking wet and had 6% body fat. After more than a decade of being a writer, I saw my weight soar to the heaviest I've ever been, which is 240 pounds. Every joint I had hurt, and I got winded going upstairs in my own house. Since then, I've been on an exercise program, and at the time of this blog entry, I'm at 211. Exercise is a great way to turn off your brain and let it do the processing for you.

Read. How did we first learn to tell stories? By reading the works of the masters of our craft. How can we recharge when we feel that our batteries are low? By reading the works that inspired us to start with.

Connect. As I said, we are social creatures, whether we want to be or not. It's biology. So you do occasionally have to get out and (*gasp*) hang out with your friends. Reconnect with the people in your life that care about you and want to know where the hell you've been. Remind yourself that you do have people who love you. And if you don't think you do, I'm betting you're wrong. And if you want a more "writerly" way of connecting, have I got a solution for you: Writers' Workshops. I regularly attend In Your Write Mind, a writer's retreat created by alumni of Seton Hill University, at which I work. There are writers' retreats, workshops, and conventions in every state all year through. There are organizations for your genre as well. I'm a member of the Horror Writers Association and the International Thriller Writers Association. Why? Because it's nice to not feel alone in this endeavor, and it's nice to have other people to talk to, to ask questions, and to basically bullshit around with.

Get help. There is no shame in the realization that you need help. Everyone needs help. Invasive thoughts, feelings of depression, hopelessness... These are signs of a larger problem, and one that a qualified, trained professional can help with. Please, before it's too late, get help.

These are the things that work for me. And you may need to find more that work for you. I was diagnosed with what was at the time known as severe manic depression years ago. I also have a touch of PTSD, the reasons for which I won't go into now. I have been on that ledge, on that chair, at the proverbial tipping point where my life could've ended. One thing that helped me walk away from it with my life still intact was this:  YOU ARE NOT ALONE. There are people who can help you. And here's one other little thing that I do when I'm having a mental health crisis... I write about it. The books that I wrote after a major trauma in my life feature some very heart-crushing themes, and they were my way of getting them out of my soul and healing. I'm not saying it's a magical panacea for everything what ails you, but I'm saying that, for me, it helped. I have lost too many friends to suicide, and I've had a couple of friends come awfully damned close. I don't want to lose any more, and I don't want to be the cause of anyone else's misery if I be the one taking my own life.

The point of this entry is very simple: You can't be a writer if you're not around to write. Make your goals, set your deadlines, whatever, but you have to make time to take care of yourself. Read that again. You have to make time to take care of yourself. Take a hot bath, take a nap, go grab a coffee, reconnect with friends... Do something that makes you feel good about who you are as a person. Take care of yourself.  And don't you dare let anyone shame you for it. If anyone says "well, you're not a real writer unless..." Kick that person squarely in the junk. Tell them I told you to. I gave you permission. G'head. Send 'em my way.

Remember, your story will not get written if you aren't around to write it. You are valid. You have worth. And there is an audience for your work.

Next time, we'll talk about that pesky day job.

Until then, write on!

SAJ

Articles for your consideration

• Why writers are prone to depression - Everyday Health
• Four tips for writing when you're depressed - Kristen Kieffer
• The neurological similarities between successful writers and the mentally ill - Thought Catalogue

Helpful Links

• National Suicide Prevention Helpline
• Suicide Hotlines
• Crisis Text Line

How to Be a Writer - Part II (Your Writing Space)

Last time, in part one of our multi-part series, I talked about the basic tools that you need to be a writer. This time, I'm going to talk about where you write. Keep in mind, there is no right answer for this. There is what works for you. I'm going to be talking about what works for me, sharing a few glimpses into my writer's lifestyle, and what works for a few of my contemporaries (with their names redacted so you won't think I'm name-dropping anyone).

So what do you look for in a writing space? Well, if you're like me, you look for a few things. Darkness, few windows (I'm easily distracted), and a frickin' door, to start with. For me, a writing space becomes holy ground. When I'm in that space, I am not to be disturbed, and everyone in my life, in theory, knows that. It's not as pretentious as it sounds, really. The thing is, I have to be in a certain mindset when I write. When I hit that point, I can type for hours on end without a single break and not even realize the time has passed. But the thing is, it takes me a while to get there, and only an instant to pull me out of it. So, before we look at some different type of writing spaces, let's talk about the whole "sacred space" thing.

A Sacred Space is a place in the home that is used to unplug from everything else in your life so you can focus on one thing and one thing only (whatever that is). In most cases, when people talk about sacred spaces, they're talking about focusing on their spirituality, loving the world, or some other aspect of spiritual growth. Now take that concept and apply it to your writing room. Your writing room/space/garage/nook/ironing board should be that sort of place for you: A place where you can tune out the rest of the world and focus on what truly matters. In this case, it's your writing (and let's be honest here... Writing is a form of spirituality. And therapy.). It should be filled with things that help your writing, not distract you from it. Let me explain.

My writing room is an ode to chaos. Contained therein, you will find dozens of occult curios, reference books, novels, books by friends and former students. You'll find Captain America's shield hanging on the wall and my pug's bed in the corner. You will find my guitar behind my desk and paintings by my wife around my desk. In short, the room is me. It's everything that I need to feel comfort. It's everything that I need so I won't worry, look around, and find excuses not to write. One thing you will not find: Bills on my keyboard. See, nothing goes into my writing space that causes me anxiety because, well, that's not how I work. When I write, I write in silence with only ambient noise from the house around me.

But that's not how everyone works. One author I know finds his creative juices in a booth an the local Starbucks, surrounded by people and with noise all around. That's his sacred space. That's the space he goes to when it's time to go to work. Ernest Hemmingway wrote standing up with his typewriter on his dresser. That was his sacred space.  Some people write with music. Some write in silence. I know at least one writer whose typewriter used to sit on an ironing board in a very small cubby.

The point I'm trying to make is this: Find yourself a space that, when you are there, it's time to work. Why? Because you are training your brain to get into its creative state. It's a trigger. Think of it like a Pavlovian response. We ring the bell, you drool. You sit in your writing chair, you start thinking like a writer. Then comes the tricky part: EVERYONE ELSE.

I got lucky. I married an artist who understands that, when I'm working, I need to be left alone. She needs the same thing when she works. When we bought our house, we each created a space that was uniquely ours. I have my writing room downstairs, she has her art studio upstairs. And we both know when the other is in their sacred space, we leave them the hell alone.  And, yes, I'm aware that this makes us sound unbearable to live with, but that's what it is to live with creative people. We complement each other, and we deal with it.

But most folks aren't that lucky. The key to dealing with this? Ground rules. Communication. You can't just assume your partner(s) will understand what's going on in this room if you don't tell them. So you need to very carefully and explicitly set some ground rules for how you would like the world to operate if you're in your writing space. And then be expected to make compromises. For example: "I'd like to not be disturbed if I'm in this place, because I'm working on a novel." "Okay, but if we haven't seen you in eight hours, I'm breaking the door down." "Fair." Remember, a temperamental creative type you may be, but you're not allowed to be 100% asshole. Your partner's feelings are just as valid as yours, so you need to respect them. But you also need time to do what you need to do. Communication is the only way to solve this problem.

The point I'm trying to make is this: Find your space. Whether it's in a coffee shop, an office, your back porch, or even in your kitchen, find what works for you. Find the place that, when you sit there, your brain knows it's time to go into a creative cycle. And if you're one of those people who can work anywhere and anytime, more power to you. I wish I could, but I can't. And that's okay too.

Oh, and just in case you're wondering, here are some photos of my indoor and outdoor writing rooms.  Yes, I write on my back porch some times.

Next time, we're going to talk about one of the most important, and often ignored, aspects of actually being a writer in part three of our three-part series.

Until next time, write on!

SAJ

Traditional Vs. Self Publishing

Recently, I stepped into a mire of goo the likes of which I haven't seen since I owned an 80lb dog.  I since deleted the post, but it got me thinking.  For the longest time (well, since I got into writing and got my first book published), I've been a staunch proponent of traditional publishing.  I've always been the guy out there yelling about how traditional is the way to go, that they are the gate-keepers of our craft and profession, and a thousand other arguments that fill message boards and professional organizations with vitriol and bile.  But it got me wondering.   Why is self-publishing so reviled?


I was born in 1971 and my childhood was spent in the 70's.  There were no "indie" bands that I knew of around that time, and when I was in Junior and High School  (1980's), it was cool for everyone to have a demo.  Indie bands were the thing.  I still have a demo of the Beastie Boys, and I can recall when Metallica was an unsigned act that was killing it in the local clubs.  And I recall, back then, the big question was "who are they signed with?" in regards to music.  If the answer was "no one," the retort was usually "then they can't be any good."


It was bullshit then.

Pictured:  That opinion

When I graduated High School and went off to college (I went to the American Academy of Dramatic Arts in Pasadena, California for a couple of years), indie-music was still huge, and growing.  But there was a new phenomenon on the horizon:  Indie comics.  The big two (Marvel and DC) got too big for their collective britches, and a whole world of creative independent artists and writers got together and said "screw them, we'll do it ourselves!"  And they did.  And again, there was a stigma about whether their work was any good because it didn't go through the big houses.


It, too, was bullshit.

Not quite the easy button...

Which brings us to today.  I went and soul-searched a little and realized something:  I can be a bit of a snob at times.  Today, the big publishers are running scared because of indie (notice, I didn't say "self") publishing.  They're being more selective (meaning they're not buying as many manuscripts), circling their wagons (which means many are going out of business and being bought up by others of their kind), and branching out (which means creating a "pay for publish" branch… I'm looking at you, Penguin) in an attempt to stop the arterial bleeding that is coming from the publishing industry today.  And you get dinosaurs like me, who seem to have become what we used to revile.  But that's not entirely true.   I'll get to that in a moment.


Why is it that indie music and indie comics and indie films get love and are heralded as fierce and creative and brave, while indie publishing is not?  As a good friend, and someone I respect (Joe "The Pope" Borrelli) said, let the public decide.  What is it that separates musicians, artists, film makers, and such from writers?  In all honesty, nothing.  It's art.  It's their interpretation of art.  And there are truly shitty examples in every category.  There also lurks brilliance.


Many years ago, I was a critic for a newspaper, so I was inundated with indie music on cassette (yes, I'm that old), and I found that 80% of it was crap.  The folks making said music needed to go back and learn to play their instruments, needed to learn a modicum of music theory.  Needed to actually listen to music to see where they were going wrong.  But the other 20%?  I still listen to them.  When I did film and book reviews for Dread Central, I was greeted with a similar percentage of garbage.  But then, every now and again, brilliance.   Some of the books I got were offensive, not from their content, but by the sheer gall of the writers involved calling themselves authors.  Does that sound elitist?  Maybe it is.  Maybe it offends me that I've spent years making serious study and effort to hone my craft, and yet anyone can plug in a computer, jump on Createspace, and publish anything they want.  Seriously.  But the big question is, should it offend me?  Probably not.  The public will decide, Mr. Borrelli.  The public will decide.  And while certain titles exist that cast the whole independent publishing movement in a bad light, hasn't that always been the case with indie music, film, and comics?


But wait, you say.  What about the old arguments about the publishers and labels and big dogs of the creative world being the gatekeepers?  Yeah… That's also bullshit.  Many of them are run by bean-counters now.  And while there are many micro and indie presses, they are no guarantee either.  Many of them (like Raw Dog Screaming Press and Permuted) take great pains to come off as professional and hire good editors and put forth an excellent product.  Lots more don't, and, no, I'm not going to name names.  Let's face it, there are no guarantees today.


So now it comes down to it…  I still prefer to be traditionally published.  Everything I've ever written has been traditionally published (except for one book that was done for charitable reasons).  But does that mean I won't eventually be dragged kicking and screaming into the 21st century and indie publish something?  Probably not.  There may come a point when I decide to indie publish, and it will be on my terms.  But if anything, I'd like to offer the following advice for folks who do, or who intend to indie publish.

• Do yourself a favor and hire an editor.  Not your buddy from down the street, but someone who actually knows what they're doing.  Yes, it's expensive, but then, so is publishing.  And it's worth it to present yourself in the most professional and polished manner possible.  Book reviewers (who drive your sales) are unforgiving when it comes to books full of typos.  
• Invest in good cover art.  A good cover can sell a truckload of books.  Bad cover art can make your stuff come off as amateur and childish.  
• Either hire someone to do your layout for you, or really learn how to do it.  InDesign is an expensive program, and so is Quark, but you're talking about your chosen career.  It's an investment.  
• Learn the basics of promotion.  Network and market your ass off, learn how to book signings, and figure out how to get the most reach for your dollar.  
• Surround yourself with a good team.  Beta readers, editors, artists, layout… Everything.  They can make or break you.  
• Be ready to smile and avoid coming off as angry. *ahem*

So maybe I am a dinosaur.  But, unlike big lizards of old, I prefer to change and adapt, and I reserve the right to change my point of view.  I'd also like to note that I know several (not lots, but a few) independent published authors who have gone on to great things (Rhiannon Frater leaps immediately to mind), and I respect them and their work.  I'm not going to change my opinion when I see a book that I think is crap, and I think most folks reading this have known me long enough to know that I don't ever apologize for my opinion.  If I think it's crap, I say it's crap.  But to those offended by my (unintentionally) controversial remarks, I have one thing to say:

Mea culpa. 

Signed your Gentleman Dinosaur